Our Journey
by Xshoutatmex
Summary: The moment Roxas made the decision to leave the organization, everything else broke completely. One had lost his meaning to survive, the other lost his life. But did they really make the right choice? It could've been simple.


**Our Journey**

**7/11/08**

* * *

Don't cry.

Don't cry.

Wipe your tears and-

Don't cry.

Don't cry.

Because while you're hurting

You're killing me

And when you're regretting

You're hating me

So please- Don't cry.

Don't cry.

Swallow your tears

Swallow your fears

Because I won't

Won't let them hurt you

And all the same I won't

Because I can't

I can't-

Swallow my tears

Swallow my fears

So if you could, and if you can

Then please, I beg you

Don't cry.

Don't cry.

Because I won't,

Because I can't-

You're killing me.

* * *

--

"Do you really have to go? You don't have to…and you didn't really need-" He stopped mid-sentence. Hoping that by some miracle, the words he wanted to tell the blonde would come out in actions. But they didn't came like he expected it would.

"Dem, I have to. You know that. I have to know…I have to know who I am. Why was I picked? Why me? Why not someone else? And-" Roxas felt himself falter from the venom of his own words. The questions confusing him, the answers not given and worst of all "And, why was he picked and not me. I have to know. I need to know." He walked away from everything he knew in his less than a year of existence. He was turning his back on the things he felt familiar with- no more organization, no more missions, no more- Yes, no more family, no more friends, no more smiles and no more laughter. Roxas was leaving it all behind, was he prepared? That was something he didn't took into consideration. He was prepared to understand all that he didn't, he was ready to take on the world, ready for his answers and ready for more questions- but he wasn't ready.

For this.

"Axel. Think about him." The rain poured down on them both, one of them probably enjoying the moment but wasn't in the right mood to indulge in his element. "Think about him, what would become of him? You've always been there, you never trained him to be on his own- he needs you Rox. He really does."

The key of destiny stopped on his tracks yet again- was it going to be like this every time? Axel, yeah, they were the best of friends (were) but even if he still thinks that they are…but not now. If he thought of leaving everything else behind him, he'd lose it and he won't- that's right, fulfill his purpose.

Rain water began seeping into both of their boots, the poor quality of their over-used footwear giving in to the depths of newly formed puddles. The world that never was, who knew it could conjure up storms and rain clouds- some things still did exist, whether or not it's inhabitants didn't (or do).

"Why are you making a big deal out of this? We weren't friends to begin with-" Roxas saw the stab he had inflicted on the musician's good intentions…but it was all a lie. They didn't have a heart, and all of them knew that- Demyx knew that, so there was no use to give into lies. "Demyx, don't make this any more difficult than it already is. I'm sure…" Roxas was actually beyond sure at this point. "That Axel will slow me down as well. I've made up my mind. I'm leaving. Respect that will you?" And Demyx couldn't say anything to that. Respect, it was the only courtesy each member in the org could give that would act similarly like emotions- like sympathy.

"By all means, XIII. Goodbye." He turned his back on the soon to be labeled traitor, not even sparing him one last glance. Demyx was still a nobody, although he pretty much wanted to know how it would feel like to feel- he couldn't. This shouldn't hurt at all right?

Then why did it still felt wrong?

The two hooded figures both walked on in patient steps and patient breaths, wishing somehow the other would turn around and yell something, anything- just to make it all stop. But it never came, and they both knew that it was better off that way.

The rain had poured on, washing away the discussion, washing away their tears- washing away the evidence, the evidence of friendship and the evidence of brotherhood.

They were both leaving behind, their homes.

--

Music filled the hall of empty melodies, the widest space that provided better acoustics and better lighting. He was going to drown himself in music, drown his insides, drown his sorrows- drown his false emotions and drown out his existence.

Demyx couldn't bear the pain; he had lost the two most important people in his after-life. One had left purposely on a rainy night, the other still alive and breathing yet- Axel was just…Axel. An empty walking shell of what anyone would call a body. The true meaning of a Nobody. To be lost in something like that, Demyx thought, how sad would that be- where was the music? Where was the life? If one couldn't feel, it would've at least been nice to remember how it was like- but Axel dumped it all, all because of that night. That night when Demyx's world began to crumble down.

He gripped his sitar tightly in his hands, not bothering to check whether his blood still circulated around his palms and joints. He was angry, angry beyond belief- why? Why did everyone leave him behind? Was he not important? Was he not competent enough? Just because he clamored for peace, just because he believed in trust and faith and love- in friendships, in families.

So it was a crime, he realized. Demyx let his fingers loosen their tensed hold over his instrument. He laughed for a bit, chuckling to himself about what had just happened.

"You can't feel, don't be silly. Of course you're not mad…how could you be? It's not even real." He sighed, no he couldn't feel. This disappointment, this awful thing he feels in the hole of his chest- there wasn't anything there. He shouldn't be able to feel at all.

But it still felt wrong.

--

Just as he predicted, Axel had already lost it- the red head had began to deviate from the norms of their organization. Talking about the possibility of feeling, then afterwards denying it like he's debating with someone who wasn't really there. Demyx was used to it by now, it's been two weeks since Axel's transformation, and he knew well enough that the flurry of dancing flames had no one else to go to, except him.

And before- **him**

"Do we…really not possess hearts?" The sea-salt ice cream was melting, the little blue droplets falling from the clock tower's façade over to the cobble stones down below. Whether it would hit a poor passerby's head or not, it all depended on the luck of those walking about below the two boys.

"Xemnas said we don't have any of that Ax." Demyx smiled, as always. Smiled and smiled because he knew that faking happiness meant something along the lines of someone not feeling anything. Everyone always did fake a smile, not only Nobodies do it, Somebodies do it all the time.

"I don't care what Xemnas says anymore. I'm asking you. What do you think?" Axel gave Demyx an intent stare, one that would persist to keep itself going until the blonde manages to dig up a response.

"Xemnas says we don't Axel. That's that."

"You're saying that because you half believe it Dem. Don't deny it." The mullet headed nobody frowned in disapproval, but still didn't say anything in response.

The ice cream was still melting; Demyx's half eaten one now slipping slightly down from its popsicle stick- flooding his hands with that blue viscous substance. What a waste of ice cream- what a waste of time.

"If you want to go after him that bad, then just go for it. No one's stopping you Ax, you have your own free will."

Axel stopped his brooding to spare Demyx his full attention, he didn't say a word. He was telling the blonde with his eyes, that- "What about you? Aren't you going to come with?"

Demyx smirked. He knew it, Axel had been planning to leave the organization since Roxas decided to leave it. The red head didn't even show a sign of hesitation, didn't even ask Demyx if his ass would get fried- what would happen to my life? What would happen to all the missions I've succeeded in? You think Xemnas would give me permission? Crap! My life is over when I leave the org- None of that. Instead, just a plain _Aren't you going to come_.

"I know where my loyalties lie. I'm staying. You and Rox- you guys can survive without a back up, I can't. Live while you can right? You only have one life." He laughed again, this time bitterly. Axel knew better than to interrupt the musician from his rant and monologues; Demyx needed this he noted.

"Leave now Ax. While no one's here. Sooner or later I'll be entasked to dispose of you both, or probably just one of you- Don't look at me like that."

"So you'd do that huh?"

"Do what?"

"Dispose of us."

The ice cream had fully melted. There goes twenty munny down the drain, not even half consumed when it all just flowed down to the ground below.

"I said I'll be assigned to do it. But I won't be able to- we all know that I'm the weakest out of everyone else here. Try or not, you guys will just kill me in a blink of an eye."

Axel threw the popsicle stick in a random direction, nevermind littering or cleaning up. He didn't have a heart anyway, so what was the point in caring for the environment. If anyone asked him, it was the environment that hated Axel more than anything- it didn't make him exist.

"So just go. Don't stay here for me, there's nothing left for you here. You know that, I know that, Rox…he probably knows that too."

"I'm really sorry about this Dem, I really wish that-"

"That it would've ended in a different way- I know. I do too. But it's too late for that- you go. Two days head start at most, be careful. Don't bump into Saix's berserkers- heck, don't bump into Saix period."

Axel laughed at his friend's comment. Saix was pretty much a devil, he knew when and just how much a person needed to be tortured. Sure enough, the red head didn't need warning to stay away from a person like that. He saluted Demyx, playfully punching the other's left shoulder before grinning and opening up a portal that would lead him elsewhere.

"Just don't let me catch you…because when I do- this time, we're all not friends anymore."

But Axel wasn't there to hear him anymore, the fire controller had successfully sped away, not wasting a second's worth of time.

Both weren't there. Not Roxas, not Axel.

And they all didn't know that

They were all leaving their homes behind.

--

"IX, heartless activity has seemed to run rampant across the world of Hollow Bastion. I want you to keep an eye on the keyblade wielder, make sure he kills as much as he can. We need those hearts." The blonde just saluted Xemnas with two of his fingers, grinning widely as what he usually does to everyone.

"No prob superior. Consider the job done!" But before he could get the chance to walk away.

"Number VIII. Saix has noted that Number VIII has been changing his course, preferably this time in the favor of Hollow Bastion. Dispose of him- and when the keyblade wielder discovers you, destroy him as well. Do not fail me number IX"

And Demyx knew he shouldn't fail the organization. He knew where his loyalties lie- he knew they weren't friends anymore. Not Axel, not Roxas. It was time. He had to do what he had to do.

--

Demyx had instructed his dancers well to scout the area for heartless, making sure each group of dancer nobodies kept correct count of how many were there. It didn't have to be exact really, just probably an estimation. He **will**, after all, write a detailed report about this mission soon, and boy did he hate all that written process Xemnas loved making them all do.

But then he couldn't keep himself calmed and collected, what if he were to bump into one of them? Axel or Roxas? What would he do? Feign surprise? Feign guilt? Say sorry, make up and forget it all? No, they never really did fight with each other- but what was he going to do. He wanted the old trio back, their group together again. But it seemed like it wasn't going to happen any time soon.

"Ah well…" He portaled away into a blue rundown plaza-like area, thinking that his dancers could use all the help they could get for them to finish this mission fast enough (all because he didn't want to see both his fears in the form of humans). But his decision was wrong, and he was going to realize that real soo-

"Hey! Didn't we catch you messing around in the underworld? How'd a wimp like you get into Organization XIII?" That voice! Demyx's head snapped towards the direction, looking at the brown haired boy with frantic eyes, hastily looking for any traces, any features- that of which would resemble Roxas.

None- no wait. The eyes.

Demyx gulped. It was going to be harder for him than he'd expected.

"Remember Sora, they're nobodies-"

"Right! No hearts!"

Demyx flinched at the topic Axel used to talk to him about. And at the same time, he couldn't resist- that maybe, Axel was right? No, Demyx never believed in that hopeful stuff- but ever since Axel left…might as well believe in it. It was the only thing he had left to remember his friend by.

"Ohhh we do too have hearts. Don't be mad." He bit his tongue, making it bleed a little in his mouth. He just couldn't believe he said that. Although Sora bought it to be his intention to say that, his eyes still had something that told Demyx _I know you well enough, you don't believe in that. You're lying._ Roxas. Demyx mentally slapped himself, wishing he didn't have to make a fool out of himself in front of the people who had left him- the person who left him first and made the other follow.

"I bet you can't even fight!" Definitely Roxas talking, he laughed to himself. Typical XIII, loved the idea of sparring every chance he gets. Never backed down once asked to a duel too- Roxas always did have a passion for slicing and hitting things with his keyblades. But this time Demyx had to get the message across. They weren't friends anymore, Roxas had to know that. This wasn't going to be a spar. This is real life, how it should be.

Demyx straightened himself, getting serious and probably getting ready for the riskiest thing he's ever done in his life.

"Silence. Traitor."

And with that, Sora's eyes had turned into a whirlpool of questions, of shock and at the same time of fear- Roxas had to fight Demyx, and this time, only one of them could leave the place alive.

--

Who knew that dying could feel so pleasurable? Who knew that fading felt so agonizingly painful?

Demyx wanted to scream, wail and do a complete five year old tantrum on the ground. It hurt, every single black whisp that faded into darkness, it felt like his flesh was being torn apart one by one. Clawed out, slashed at and at the same time trampled on. It hurt like hell, and he just couldn't help but suppress one last scream, before he finally disappeared into nothingness.

Because he knew from the very beginning, he was already nothing- so all he would leave behind would be nothing.

--

That one last moment, though painful, Demyx realized one thing. Axel and Roxas, they never did leave him behind did they? They were still there, although in a different place- they were there. They still held that playful glint in their eyes whenever he'd see them- they still was going to be there for him. If he'd survive, if he'd live- if he's followed what his heart was telling him to.

Yes now he believe he has a heart. Because if he didn't, was it possible to cry? Was it possible to feel like you're insides are being torn into shreds? Was it possible that now, while he was fading away- that he had learned to cry, for the first time of his life as a nobody and back when he was a somebody.

He was crying, and it scared him more than turning into nothing- he had a heart. And he only realized it when he was about to leave-

Exactly his point. Axel and Roxas weren't the ones who left him…he was the one leaving them. And although he saw Sora grin in triumph over his win, he saw Roxas- those eyes, sparkling with bits of tears.

Demyx should have known

He should have known

That all those times, he was the one who had left his home behind.

* * *

**Note:** Editted parts where I found mistakes. Would you believe me if I told you that while I was writing this piece, I didn't even know what I was writing? Literally, I had no idea what the plot was, what the final product was all about- all I know was that I wrote it. And so when i was finished with it, I didn't even remember a single word I wrote. It's actually fun that way, cause when I got to read it again, its like I'm reading someone else's work and not mine- sorry about the mistakes, was 2 in the morning when I made this- not to mention me not being there when I was writing it hahahaha

and thank you for the reviews, very much appreciated.


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